INFERTILITY / IVF TALKS

The Waiting Game

Megan Tansom | February 5, 2019

If you know me at all or have read my “About Me” section here, you would know that we have two beautiful daughters. It was a long process (long is relative always in the infertility game) to get pregnant for us which I can talk about more later but just came across this poem I wrote in the middle of it all. It was actually after our 4th IUI (intrauterine insemination) procedure around October of 2015. It was one of the times I got a phone call from our doc saying that I was again not pregnant.

I have always written little rhyming poems for birthdays, just for fun, and even for a few eulogies. This time it was really just for me. I was sitting at work (yes, got that call during work) and I just needed a few minutes to calm my brain and deal with what I was feeling before jumping back into my day-to-day. I sat down at my computer and wrote out my thoughts.

I thought it may ring true to some of you out there during your journey and wanted to share. Maybe you can relate and share your story with me. Relate to everything but the butt chin and big eye part that is… Hey, if you can relate to that too, great!

(with the big eyes)

The Waiting Game:

 

I am not going to be a Mother

At least not yet, not today

I have to believe God has a plan for us

But it is really hard to see His way

 

Through the pain and so much heartbreak

Doc appointments, procedures, meds galore

Waiting day by day for something

Then just waiting more and more

 

Waiting is the worst part

Thinking “Is it a he or maybe a she?”

Making up our child in our heads

Getting excited for what could be

 

Then the dreaded phone call comes

Our dreams are crushed right then

The cycle starts up one more time

Then over and over again

 

We start to barter with those above

Making deals to be good parents, to be great

If only we had our own child to love

But we keep experiencing this horrible wait

 

I can’t explain this heartbreak

For something that has never been

But we just can’t seem to catch a break

Please God, just give us a win

 

Babe, I know you’re out there somewhere

And may be searching for us too

But darling can you hurry up?

Mom and Dad are dying to meet you

 

To see if you have my big eyes

Or Daddy’s distinct butt chin

Do you have little dimples?

Speckled on that baby grin

 

We can’t picture our lives without you

Even though we’ve never met

But don’t worry, our sweet little one

We haven’t given up hope just yet

 

We will wait as long as it takes

With constant prayers and hope for you

Because we know it will all be worth it

When this waiting game is through

I came across my journal where I had rewritten this poem and after it, I had written: I know this poem is not perfect or profound but it is what I was feeling at the time and it helped to get it down on paper. I do have faith/hope it is all going to work out. There is no other option. It has to. 

And guys…. it did.  

The pain that you are feeling can’t compare to the joy that is coming – Romans 8:18

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