My Infertility Journal, Part 8: The Post-IVF Wait

Megan Tansom | July 16, 2019

April 3, 2016:

Today is 2 days post-transfer. I got up early to head to New Prague to visit my friend Kristin since she is in town. A bunch of girls and their kiddos met at my friend Greta’s to hang out and catch up. On the way I decided to check my IVF voicemail (a number I could call in with a password and get messages from Dr. C and staff). I wanted to see if they had an update on my remaining embryos so I could update my girlfriends. There was an update, just not the one I was expecting.

The nurse said, “All 18 embryos degenerated. This is not uncommon and has nothing to do with the embryos transferred back. We hope for good news in a couple weeks.” Wait, what!? Really? I was shocked. I don’t know how I keep getting surprised by anything in this process but I was just not expecting that.

Zero out of 18. Wow. I couldn’t comprehend. I started crying and called Ryan. He was his normal positive self, reassuring me that the two in my belly will grow. He said that we will be happy parents to twins and figure out the rest from there.

I just don’t do well without a plan and a back-up plan. We have no back-up. This one has to work. Come on babies!!!!

I arrived at Greta’s in tears and tried to pull myself together. Only two of my girlfriends, Greta and Mel, were there and I broke down to them…. Then to Kayla when she came…. Then to Marie. By the time my friend Kristin arrived, I didn’t want to keep being the downer of the day so just text her later on and she called me back to chat.

My girlfriends are all amazing and praying for us. A few of them before I left even rubbed and kissed my stomach for my two babes. They have to become my babies, there is no other option. No back-up plan as I have said before.

I am trying not to think of future children beyond these two but all the possibilities (or lack thereof) or scenarios are going through my head. No frozen eggs which means no siblings or second chance for just one child without doing this process all over again. We will take it all in stride and figure it out when the time comes. We just need these babies. I don’t know what I will do without them.

REFLECTION TODAY:  With all the research i did on this process and conversations I had with the staff at my clinic, I feel like I should have been more prepared for this outcome. I don’t think ALL the outcomes were necessarily explained to me so this was really shocking. I don’t know why I just figured that we would have some embryos to freeze no matter what. With the QUANTITY that they were watching in the lab, how could there not be? I heard 18 and thought well if this doesnt work, at least we have another few tries. A frozen transfer is much cheaper than a fresh one so we would just do that. Nope. We would have had to pay for IVF and all of the medications all over again if our first fresh cycle didn’t work. 

Of course, it DID work BUT I know people who have gone through this process and haven’t been as lucky. It was so hard emotionally and physically to do this process even one time. My heart goes out to those who have had to go through it many times or had to maket he decision to move on to other options. 

The WAITING was the hardest. Every step of the way there is waiting… usually in two-week increments. Waiting to start, waiting for the next cycle, waiting for different results, waiting for a plus on a pregnancy test or a positive blood lab (or negative)… waiting, waiting, waiting. Besides this day above, I feel like I continued to remain relatively posititive, incredible anxious, but mostly in a constant state of waiting or anticipation for what was next.

“Worth the wait” was much more than just a saying when we finally found out we were pregnant. That and more on my next post.

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