TWINS / MEG’S LIFE AND RAMBLES

I LOVE My Kids, BUT… 

Megan Tansom | May 23, 2019

I love my kids BUT… you know when moms and dads feel like they HAVE to start a sentence like that just so others don’t think they are terrible parents. “I love my kids, BUT”… like we really thought you hated the little love monsters you created. I always feel the need to have this preface myself. Sometimes I just need to vent without having to tell myself and others that I really do love my kids. That is a given. It should be anyway. This parenting job is tough and some days I just want to be able to say, hey, my kids are sh*ts. Today, just sh*ts. AND that is totally OK (because I love my kids).

I love my kids. I know deep down in their flailing toddler tantrum bodies they love me too. They love to show me how much… sometimes with snuggles, hugs, kisses, and sweet sweet smiles and sometimes it is that suffocating kind of love. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MOMMA that you can NOT put me down EVER, I have to be on top of you at all times, and I will scream bloody freaking murder the second my little tippy toes touch the ground.

My twins are usually pretty dang good. “Good” of course is a relative term, but most of the time I thoroughly enjoy my time with them. I consider myself very fortunate to be home with them a good part of the week, but also it is the toughest job I have ever had. I love watching them explore, create, run, play, dance, talk, and do everything else a 2.5-year-old is into. I love having others see their little personalities come out as well and it is fun to have playdates with other mommas in the same boat.

Not too long ago, Zoey, Everly, and I met my friend and her two kids at the Children’s Museum – a place we go fairly often to get out of the house and escape the Minnesota winter. This outing is usually a slam dunk – there are slides, things to touch, a fire truck, a play kitchen, boxes to toss around, musical instruments to bang on, a large water table, a play car wash, and the list goes on. It is toddler paradise (for the couple hours they can pay attention before lunch and nap that is.) This time was different.

Zoey decided in one play area she was going to continuously shove kids to see what she wanted. Both girls continuously tried and also succeeded a few times biting each other. Ok, they have bitten each other before but multiple times in a 30-minute period – like what in the actual hell was going on. I was telling them to be nice to other friends and not bite their sister and saying all the things you think you should say when your kids are being slightly less than graceful. I was trying to stop or dodge every incident. I was sweating. Literally, so hot – ducking under the play structure, trying to wrangle both toddlers, begging them to wear raincoats at the water table, all while trying not to make a scene at the same time.

Then came the last straw. Zoey flung herself backward in a dead-body weight competition that I didn’t know we were in. She had never done this quite like this before and I wanted to tell the concerned onlookers this. They didn’t really care though. They were just happy it wasn’t their children. We were out of there. I grabbed two tear-filled two-year-olds still kicking and walked out of the play area. We went to sit down and eat lunch and hopefully gain back some of our composure. I was sweating.

I remember reading in one parenting book that if your kids are acting out, it is probably your fault. YOU made them go somewhere, YOU didn’t allow them to sleep, YOU pushed naptime or bedtime or whatever time you are trying to keep track of. I agree with this on some points, but sometimes we just can’t put ALL that pressure on ourselves. I was thinking about how the few hours could have gone differently and how I could have prevented their actions, and I came up with basically nothing. We could have stayed home. Maybe it is because I haven’t quite figured out this discipline thing. Maybe they didn’t feel well, maybe they were just hungry, or maybe…just maybe… they are toddlers.

Ok, maybe it wasn’t as bad as it seemed to me, but man it was a rough momma day. My husband tells me I can’t take everything to heart that happens with the girls. He laughs sometimes when they are just being unreasonable. He chalks it up to them being toddlers, them being two, them teething (THIS was our OUT for a lot of crazy toddler behavior before they had their full set of teeth that is), and them just not being able to fully communicate. He is a wise one. He lets it roll off him (most of the time anyway). I need to try to be more that way. So that is why I say today that I do love my kids… but sometimes I just want to throw my hands up and surrender… and that is OK.

It is OK momma (or daddy.. or mommas…or daddies…or whomever you may be taking care of little humans) because we know you love your kids today, on really rough days, and every day. You are NOT failing. Hang in there. All you can do is your best. I am raising my hand in solidarity to you. This parenting thing is tough. It is the greatest and hardest job. Good luck to you and to your kiddos that you are happy to claim MOST days.

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